So earlier on the beginning of the year, one prayer request I had was to be a worshiper, to be able to praise and worship God in Spirit and in truth. When I had this prayer, I was thinking about actual praise and worship that includes songs, whether in church or at home. This is something I had been struggling with for a while where I just could never concentrate. At home, I could just never seem to make the time for it, though I had lots of time to stare into the air and daydream or spend time worrying and stressing about something or the other. Sure I had moments where a particular song could get me worshiping or singing praises to God, but there were more moments where I did not worship than where I did.

In church, I also struggled because I could never seem to connect with God or know how to talk to be Him when singing. It always just seemed so fake and pointless, or I was distracted by thoughts of what I needed to do, or what I hadn’t done, or maybe what I had done that I shouldn’t have done. So I wanted God to work in me the willingness and ability to worship, I didn’t need to be up in the choir to do it, I just wanted to be able to focus on the Lord Jesus Christ. So I asked God and I have prayed for this throughout most of the year, and I have to say, personal time of worship has improved, I do spend more and more time listening to worship music and singing along to God. I have also gotten to the place where it’s not pointless and I don’t expect to feel some special thing in worship but I simply talk to God in song and not worry about it feeling fake. Even in church, I have gotten to the place where I can just talk to him and lift up my hands knowing I am singing to Him and Him alone.

I still struggle with the focus though when I am in church, one moment I am talking to God and the next moment I am thinking about something else and my lips are moving but I am not focused on Christ. It is, however, happening less and less and I have realized that raising my hands sometimes gets me back on track and I am believing that He who began a good work in me will complete it. The only major distraction I have now is hating the sound of my own voice and not knowing how to control my voice or which part I should sing. I don’t sing like I used to before and I don’t know what to about it and spend more time than I would like to admit trying to match the key of the song and constantly failing to keep in tune. I know and believe we don’t have to have perfect voices to worship God but I have discovered it is something that I am struggling with.

I have been recently challenged though by Pastor Michael Todd’s new sermon series on worship. I have known that worship involves more than music but that our very lives themselves should be lived in worship to God. Well, my life has been a bit of a mess for a while and I am not living my life in a way that is blameless in the physical so I concluded long ago that I would have to maximize on other forms of worship, specifically with music and my words. I did recently feel lead to worshiping God with the Psalms, something I had learned about in a sermon Pastor Prince preached years back and I started doing in the mornings. As if to confirm that this something I should be doing, Pastor Prince recently led a service where he and his church were worshiping God and singing the Psalms of David. Sure I probably still have a lot to learn about it but its something I know I am going to keep doing whenever I have the opportunity.

When it comes to worship with our tithe and offering, this is something I have been working on for the almost 2 years now so we are on track in learning that. Where I have a problem though is with how I live my life, there is progress in all the other areas but that is one area that needs a lot of work. Pastor Todd defined worship as our love expressed to God as a response to His grace towards us, and it starts with His love for us. I want to do that, I yearn to do that but maybe I have put more emphasis on doing it through music that in any other way? Pastor Mike said worship can be expressed through word, gesture, and conduct. I have been growing a lot in worshiping with words, but I know my gestures still need a lot of work. I lift my hands a lot but I need to work on kneeling and any other things that the Spirit may lead me to do.

Conduct on the other hand is a whole other issue.

Lord help me, I cannot, only You can.

I do look forward to hearing what other insights Pastor Mike has even as we come close to the end the of year. I definitely get to say that this is one prayer request where God has granted me my request. I am not at the place I want to be yet, but my 100 fold is coming.

Does anyone else struggle with praise and worship like I do? Or with worship it self as a whole? I would be interested in knowing and learning what other people have done to improve their worship life.

Posted by:CassieG.

I write stories, short stories, and poems to give glory to the Lord and show His amazing grace and love. Am also going to be blogging about journey living by His grace and His love in the vine life. The Lord Jesus said He is the Vine and we are the branches, and as I live my life walking out of stagnation, lack of motivation and passion…and even laziness, I know I cannot but He can. Instead, I choose to flow in the vine life and to see myself as the Father sees me. I hope as I grow in Him and as I transformed from glory to glory anyone who identifies in some way with the journey I am going through walks with me and we can grow together.

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