Flowing in the Vine Life Diary – 4
Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I entrust my life. Psalm 143:8
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
(09 October 2018)
So I woke late today, even when I had all these plans about how I was going to have a super productive morning. And when I did wake up, I noticed that unlike usual, I wasn’t too worried or stressed about the fact that I woke up later than I had planned. I didn’t freak out too much about the wasted time and simply woke up and got reading my proverbs of the day and spending some time reading some devotionals. Usually, I would have been panicking and calling myself all kinds of names but today there wasn’t any of that self-condemnation. Plus I didn’t feel too bad about not having made any progress on the work I have set before myself to do in the next few months
What did end up happening though was that I had some substantial amount of daily data expire on me and that sucked. Truth is if I had woken up earlier I would have had the time to use the data because I would have probably finished my morning routine a little earlier. All I needed really was about 30 minutes of free time and I would have been able to use them and the data wouldn’t have been wasted. I immediately had this moment of realization that there are some things I needed to do with the data just 2 minutes before it expired. There are some videos I needed to download so I could watch them offline when I needed them to help me with editing my writing.
With this realization, I did experience a moment of slight panic and I started to run over scenarios of what I could do to get the videos downloaded. I started to ask myself if I should buy more data immediately so I could download them? Or maybe should I contact someone who I knew had unlimited data and maybe go download the videos there? But then maybe that wasn’t a real smart thing because what if they started asking questions and I ended up in a place where I had to explain myself and what I am doing with my life. Plus won’t it look like I am only contacting them because I needed data? I mean sure some of them told me I could go to their place whenever I needed data but what if they were just saying and didn’t really mean it? Plus anyway I am still running away from being accountable according to people’s standards so I don’t want to be asked any questions…
As you can see, I was diving back into the absurd territory by the second and my imagination was getting away with me. Why oh why do I always find a way to complicate things for myself? And this is all in my thoughts, I haven’t even gotten to doing anything yet.
Anyway, back to the issue at hand, the data had expired and I felt I had stuff that needed to be downloaded. And let’s bear in mind that I only thought of them the moment my data was expiring, I didn’t really need them before that moment. That’s when I realized that I was being irrational, the videos I needed would only be used once I actually had something written! (I mean I had stuff written on paper somewhere but they are not even typed and what I really wanted to edit has not even been written yet…it hasn’t been written and I am already thinking of editing it?)
So I told myself, ‘ Cassie, chill, write the story first, then think about downloading the videos when you need to get the story edited. Plus anyway, God will provide the Internet access when you need it …so there, crisis averted’. (It was averted for that moment but to be honest, I ended up finding an excuse to bye the data anyway and ended up downloading the videos, and here is how bad it was…I bought data twice before the end of the day…)
So now we have to get to writing so I started to consider the two chapters I have already that I wrote two years ago…yes, two years ago… and I realized that they are really super bad…I am not sure why that was a surprise. I realized as I went over them that I had read somewhere that your writing should be made up of scenes, scenes that are supposed to be made up of action and conflict, and sometimes even the resolution of those conflicts. Or something. The point I am trying to make is that it wasn’t meant to be just a series of random thoughts from one character’s point of view. But then again, what are scenes anyway? Is the way I am writing the way I should be writing? How does God want me to write?
So now we have to go on a journey of finding out what scenes are and what’s involved in coming up with them. There begins this idea that while I have all these awesome stories in my mind, I don’t know how to make them look pretty on paper…or ebook. So that then became the assigned mission of the day, to find out how to write stories in a way that people would want to read them and would enjoy reading them. Lets also not forget that we need to write the way God wants us to write so somehow we also need to able to hear from Him in how we are supposed to do this. Only He can show us how to write things that bring glory to Him and somehow bless His people.
God help me, I cannot, only You can. You are the source. Holy Spirit, teach me how to write. Teach me the basics of writing I need to follow and also teach me how to write grace-filled and love filled articles and stories that bring glory to God, whatever that is supposed to look like.
So when we started this entry we started by talking about the lack of worry we started the day with and yet we ended up getting distracted. What I was trying to get at is that today when I woke up I noticed that I had more peace than usual and whenever I felt the worry coming on, or when I started over thinking things, I was able to get to the place where I gave all my cares and worried to God and peace would just come back faster than usual.
The revelation that the battle is the Lord’s is becoming such a reality for me that when I begin to over think things that to be honest are almost never really that deep, to begin with or relevant for the moment, His peace and calm is closer to the surface and easier to grab hold onto than it would have been last week. Let me tell you, this is usually not the natural state of my mind. I am usually very much a pro at over thinking things and worrying about everything that I may have done or even just thought about. I didn’t need anyone to do or say anything to start worrying, all I needed was a thought or an idea in my head and it was game time.
The verse ‘let morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You,’ comes into play here because I have been spending some time in the morning either reading His word or talking to Him. This is my first week after leaving work and not having to go into the office has definitely helped a lot in making it easier for me to start my morning with Christ. My mornings are no longer a rush to beat the time and I can restfully spend time reading a couple of devotionals without having to rush through them to just get it done.
I have also had more of an opportunity to listen to a worship song or two in the morning and just set the tone for the day. It feels very nice to not have to have rushed mornings and maybe by the time I get back to a busier schedule I would have learned to better control my time, my emotions and my thoughts. By the grace of God by then I would be able to make the time in the morning and spend time with Him without rushing myself even as I prepare for the day.
I should probably confess that while I did have a busy day, I never actually got to learning and looking into how to write scenes and all that. I, however, have so much peace about this whole process that knowing that I did not at the end of the day work on any stories is not going to cripple me as it would have at any other time. I keep telling myself I need to plan out my days but this week I have decided maybe I should concentrate on resting and finding the pace He wants me to go at? I don’t know, we’ll see how things go.
I read Tori Kelly’s YouVersion devotional today and the entry was on her song Never Alone. I love that song. When I read the devotional it really resonated with me because it is true, I am never alone. He said He would always be with me and that He would never leave me. I then thought of Psalm 143: 8 which also says ‘show me the way I should go for to You I entrust my life’. And in Proverbs, it constantly says that He establishes my steps and in Psalm 23 it says He is my Shepherd and He makes me lie down in green pastures.
So what it there to worry about? Maybe I am not getting to do everything I would have said I wanted to do in a day but I will let His peace and love reign in my heart and I will trust Him to lead me to do what needs to be done regardless of whatever plans I would have made. Honestly, as long as I have Him and He leads me, all is well.
So in all things, I will praise Him and continue to trust in His faithfulness.
‘And remember Cassie, He is your righteousness and your salvation. You are I AM’s, He’s got you.’